Polygamy, usually referring to men taking more than one wife at the same time, has returned to the public's
      attention. We have a president who is the child of a polygamous father (the country's first leader Sukarno)
      and Vice President Hamzah Haz with at least two wives. How do people integrate polygamy into their
      lives? The Jakarta Post's Ivy Susanti finds out.

      JAKARTA (JP): As Sri Mulyati sings a dangdut song at a South Jakarta karaoke restaurant, Emmy Sundari
      gets up to dance, surrounded by their children.

      When Emmy sits down to have a go at a tune, Sri takes her place on the dance floor.

      The women live only 10 houses away from each other in Menteng Dalam subdistrict in South Jakarta. Sri,
      52, is two years older than Emmy, and they have three children each.

      And each of them has a daughter who is a nationally ranked karate athlete. The women sit side by side at
      karate competitions, cheering on their daughters.

      Yet few onlookers would be able to guess that relationship goes far beyond being neighbors and friends.

      For the past 24 years, Sri and Emmy have shared the same husband, attorney Megaputra Syoukat.

      Sri and Emmy say they have taught their children to unite and help each other in their polygamous family.

      "We go shopping together, attend receptions with the whole family and accompany our children to karate
      training. When Fitri and Merani have to compete overseas, the three of us share the same room because
      taking another room would cost us more," said Sri of Emmy and their husband Mega.

      But it was not easy for her when, at the age of 28 and six months pregnant with Fitri after four years of
      marriage, she had to accept Emmy and build a sisterly relationship with her.

      "I think nobody wants to share her husband with another woman. It was very difficult for me at first but finally
      I realized it's God's fate. I could be strong because my late parents gave their full support. They said I
      should not be jealous or I would fall from God's grace," said Sri as the two families gathered for dinner at
      the South Jakarta restaurant on Wednesday.

      "The most important thing is that we should have a clean heart, meaning we have no prejudice against
      each other. I teach my children to maintain solidarity between the family. The children have always played
      together since an early age."

      Practice

      With Islam as the country's majority religion, Indonesia recognizes the practice of polygamy, also known as
      polygyny, under specific conditions (polyandry, or women taking more than one husband at a time, is a
      cultural rarity around the world).

      Marriage Law 1/1974 states that a marriage is legal if it is done according to the bridegroom's religion and
      faith.

      It basically states that a man can only have one wife and vice versa, but the court can approve a man's
      appeal to have more than one wife if the wife cannot perform her wifely duties, she has a physical handicap
      or suffers from an incurable disease, or cannot bear children.

      A man can apply to take another wife, if he receives approval from his current wives that he can guarantee
      the welfare of all his wives and children and assures that he will treat all the family fairly.

      However, civil servants, military and police officers must receive permission from their supervisors before
      they can take another wife.

      The most quoted verse of the Koran on polygamy is An-Nisa:3 which allows a man to marry more than one
      woman, and up to four, at the same time but only if he can deal justly with all of them.

      Although Christianity and Catholicism ban any form of polygamy, it has been a traditional practice among
      some ethnic groups and tribes in the country.

      Anthropologist James Danandjaja said that polygamy was historically common in the country's patriarchal
      society but it was only practiced by kings or tribal chiefs, as a symbol of power.

      Procreation and to make materially beneficial unions were other motives for polygamy in some societies, he
      said.

      "The traditional society of Trunyan, Bali, acknowledges polygyny but it realizes that it will be hard for the
      woman. The first wife, upon hearing that her husband wants to remarry or have a mistress, will automatically
      spend all her husband's wealth so the other woman will not receive any share ... "

      Ultimately, however, James said that now and in the past, polygamy was a socially condoned way to deal
      with male sexual desire.

      Divided

      Perhaps it is to be expected that women are divided in their opinion about polygamy.

      Sociologist Julia I. Suryakusuma termed it a lifestyle choice.

      "I think polygamy is a personal choice. I have no problem with it. In my opinion, no human being is
      monogamous. In the animal world, only certain species are monogamous, like wolves. Polygamy is a
      complex issue, but I have one objection: why are only men allowed to practice polygamy, and women do
      not receive equal rights?"

      Julia, also the executive director of the API Foundation for Political Research, Information and
      Publications, said that Hamzah's polygamous lifestyle, however, would likely encourage the practice among
      bureaucrats in the country.

      "My father was a diplomat under Sukarno's government so I know some of the late president's officials also
      had more than one wife. Sukarno became their inspiration. In the Soeharto era, the practice was not so
      popular, particularly after the late Ibu Tien Soeharto initiated the issuance of PP 10/1983," Julia said,
      referring to the government regulation on the marriage and divorce for civil servants.

      Lawyer and human rights activist Rita Serena Kalibonso strongly opposes polygamy, saying that a first wife
      would not get a fair share if her husband remarried and their communal property was then divided between
      three or more people instead of two.

      The member of the National Commission Violence against Women said the husband might find it difficult
      to give fair treatment to all his wives.

      "The state does not strictly regulate the fair treatment between husband and multiple wives. The
      households make their own rules, and it opens the opportunity for unfair treatment to a woman, because she
      has to make sacrifices and her rights and her children's rights are diminished."

      She said that there should be a campaign to educate people, especially women, about the benefits and
      disadvantages of polygamy.

      "We can't ban polygamy in Indonesia, especially after our Vice President set an example for it, but we have
      to make an effort to reduce the practice. We have to raise public awareness that polygamy will open
      opportunities for unequal treatment for women and children. We also have to educate the women about
      legal protection so they can make the right decision when they are going to marry."

      Fate

      Some women would rather not think of the possibility their husbands taking another wife.

      "That's crazy," said "Dina", 27, a married private company employee in Jakarta. "A couple of my friends
      have become second wives, but it must be terrible for the first wives, like they've just been thrown away."

      But Sri, Emmy and Mega believe that fate brought them together.

      Sri and Emmy share several similarities. They are both of Minangkabau origin from West Sumatra and
      learned karate in their youth. Sri married Mega in 1972, and the following year their first son, Fahry Mega,
      was born.

      Emmy said she was Mega's girlfriend in senior high school in the early 1960s, but they seldom met after he
      married Sri. Emmy asked him to find her a job in 1975, and it was not long after that Mega decided to
      marry her.

      "I believe my destiny was already written on the palm of my hand," Emmy said, acknowledging that her
      parents were opposed to her becoming a second wife.

      "I had met many men, I dated a doctor, and my parents also paired me with their favorite choice, but all of
      them did not end up in marriage, until I married Pak Mega. He is my first love."

      Mega, 52, also said that it was destiny, not lust, which led him to marry two women.

      The hardest thing for a husband is to be fair to both wives and their children, he said.

      "If I can only afford to buy one car, I would prefer not to buy any car until I can buy two."

      Sri's daughter Fitria, better known as Fitri, said most people were taken aback when they learned her family
      was polygamous, but she never felt mocked.

      She said many people were curious about her relationship with Emmy's daughter, Merani, also a karate
      athlete.

      "There are always people who ask me, 'Fitri, is Merani your sister?' and when I say yes they ask about our
      ages, which are only different by six months. They ask, 'How come?' and I just say 'I have two mothers'.
      Usually, they stop asking and just say umm, as if they are trying to digest the information."